it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
