Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
