made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
