I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
