Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pants are for mortals
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