WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
