we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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