yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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