Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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