I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
