I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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