if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
