shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
