so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
