Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
