All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
