i just wanna soil my oats bro
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
