i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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