Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
