Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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