guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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