I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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