drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
