I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
