1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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