hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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