you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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