The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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