you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
