I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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