You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
