ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
