Betty ford says i'm here all night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You've changed since you got that strap on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
