mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
