eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
