I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
