god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
