brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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