halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
