so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
