community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
