the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
