If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
