Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
