We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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