And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
