kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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