I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
