Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
