Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
