i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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