Sorry, I don't speak sober.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
