im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
