if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
