Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
