I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
