why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
